'Clunker' bill prompts silly pangs of guilt

I'm torn, if you want to know the truth.

Last week, the United States Senate passed the "Cash for Clunkers" bill, and President Obama soon will sign it into law. Here's how it works: If your current car averages 18 or fewer miles per gallon, you'll qualify for a $3,500 voucher toward the cost of a new car - so long as the new car averages at least 4 mpg more.

Or, if you buy a new car that averages 10 mpg better than your current car, the government will give you a $4,500 voucher.

That's why I'm torn. I own a 2001 Nissan Maxima SE and a 1992 Chevy S-10 truck, both in excellent condition. My Maxima gets 19 mpg in the city, so it doesn't qualify for government dough. But my truck gets only about 10 mpg.

Of course, that isn't a problem. The truck sits in my father's garage most of the time. It goes out only when someone in my family needs to pick up a piece of furniture or some mulch.

I love that truck. Its two-tone silver-and-maroon paint job, white-letter tires and red velour interior scream "1992." It's the kind of vehicle somebody like Bill Clinton might have used to pick up someone like Monica Lewinsky.

Despite its coolness and near-mint condition, the truck is 17 years old. In the real market - the free market - it is worth only $2,500.

Which puts me in a troubling position. Once President Obama signs the clunker bill into law, my truck instantly will be worth $4,500. All I have to do is find a new vehicle that gets 22 mpg - not hard to do.

Of course I don't need or want a new vehicle. I love my Maxima. And my truck is perfect for what it is intend